I don’t even want to THINK about how long it has been since I have written in my on-line journal…
i started this page hoping to put show updates and info…decorating tips, new work of my own…etc…you get it…all in one place. as a path through my explorations and maybe to help me with the book i have been trying (too hard) to write.
the problem…if it’s a problem, really, with life is…things keep popping up! it’s almost ridiculous how often things have been popping up in my life over the last year…i feel like a gypsy…or a balloon…floating around looking for a place to land for a bit. a soft place that won’t “pop!” me.
i lost a good friend ( not to death but to circumstance) when i moved back to york a few months ago…someone dear to me and someone that inspired me to paint and relax and play backgammon when life got tough. i miss him…it’s funny how you may not know someone for long but they have a way of leaving a big hole when they are gone…or maybe i’m just blaming my loss for the reason my paiting has been molasses lately.
i’m off, today, as have been everday since i moved back to my hometown…to re-find my inspiration…i don’t know what it is going to be…i have stumbled upon a few things that i think may lead me to the right place…some people have touched my life…and some large animals ( yeah! horses right next door to me!)…but the restaurant world still has me a bit zapped.
new job, new friends, new heat coming from somewhere, a new house to move into (eventhough i’ll miss my best friend)…new! new! new!
what’s wrong with old? progress and change…things i have a love/hate relationship with…but am certainly a pro at by now.
thinking about painting…i find my thoughts trailing off to the idea that ” you can’t count on anybody but yourself”. I don’t want this to be true…but it certainly seems to be something to take into consideration.
but at the same time, i am contradiction. i want to be self-sufficient…blah blah blah…but then i think “whats wrong with having someone to depend on and who depends on you” a happy coexistence..to bodies sharing a life…making a life where they can remain individuals but still need eachother.
this is what is going trough my head this moring while i munch my granola and yogurt…the birds are singind and it is a beautiful autumn day, once again.
i wish for a field to paint in…tall grass to hide in and watch the clouds go by…ants and beeltes to play with and a big plaid thermos of tea.
instead i’m off to look at womens scarred up breasts and take pictures of rhinoplasty ‘victims’. (don’t get me wrong…i LOVE my new job already…love learning ad love the people there soooo much…but …hmmm…look for more surgical ref.’s in paintigs to come…maybe a show with people who have animal parts sewn on their faces…or floral patterened scar tissue..)
xoxo
